I was lying awake in bed last night and it struck me that I hadn't blogged on Saturday! My first urge was to get up and at least write a few lines, but it was about 2:00AM and therefore, Sunday . And more important, it felt like I was doing something dishonest just so nobody would know that I hadn't been perfect. Another episode of an old tape about living in fear of getting caught by the "Fraud Cops".
Much of my life has been spent in fear of someone recognizing me as a fraud - a phony who's just pretending to be a responsible adult, but is really just a frightened five year old. Fortunately, that happens less and less due to my commitment to live consciously aware of my thoughts, beliefs, and actions - to be fully present - me - here and now. Most of the time that's where I live, but there are some surprise attacks every once in awhile when I'm caught off-guard and ambushed by a dusty, out of date, unproductive, negative thought stemming from an old belief that may not even be mine. Something I learned from someone long ago and not even part of my own personal experience.
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