Monday, August 31, 2009

Senator Kennedy's Passing...

I've been so teary-eyed over the passing of Senator Edward Kennedy. It feels like an important symbol of what America stands for is gone. The public joys and heartbreak of the Kennedy family have reminded us that no amount of personal wealth can guarantee happiness. They have represented the best aspects of family, philanthropy, and service.
My tears feel like such a small thing when what I really want to do is wail, cry, shriek out my anger at this huge loss and take to my bed to grieve. Yet what I will do is cry my tears, feel my sadness, and continue to do my small part - the little bit one person can do to honor their legacy of love and support for Mother Earth and Her inhabitants. Each of us has our own small part to contribute, let's do this together - his death has left an enormous void to fill.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

The Un-Done...

Yea! I feel 500 pounds lighter this beautiful Sunday! Actually, it's probably closer to a ton lighter! That heavy sack of "The Un-Done" has been lightened by the completion of two major projects that have been hanging over my head. It's amazing how the weight of The Un-Done affects my very soul - how I live my day. The Un-Done are heavier than any extra pounds of fat I've carried. They press me down, flat, dull, worried, negative. Nothing can be fully enjoyed within the shadow of the Un-Done.
When I finish something that's been a heavy Un-Done I feel like laughing, singing, dancing - I want to share my joy with the world. I want to have a party and invite everyone to join in my celebration of just how incredible life can be when an Un-Done is now DONE.
Sometimes it's something as simple as a mundane chore that I've finished and can cross off my list. Sometimes, it's something I've avoided for weeks, months, and yes, even years. It doesn't seem to matter how long it's been Un-Done, the overshadowing effect has the same intensity. It's all-consuming, tainting everything I think and feel and do - there lurking in the shadows, dimming the light is the Un-Done.
Today I'm grateful to feel the joy of freedom - removing the Un-Done from the shadows and into the light of completion...

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

God/Goddess' Food...

Body/Mind/Soul: On March 12, 2008 I made a commitment to my mind/soul to finally honor my body. In my past, I limped along thinking if I had the mind/soul part all going on, the body part would just happen. That good ol' magical thinking - I can have what I want without having to DO anything different. I didn't want to acknowledge that I was completely addicted to my eating habits and unwilling to change them.
I (my mind) knew all the rules of healthy eating - how to get a healthy body and maintain it. There was nothing I hadn't tried - no diet, no pill, no exercise plan - and no amount of money I hadn't spent in search of a right size body. I spent years agonizing about my weight and all of my physical defects. I constantly put my life on hold - "when I lose this weight I'll (fill in the blank)". I avoided life because I was too fat to enjoy it.
Since March 12, 2007 I have lost 60+ pounds and am in a right size body with a healthy relationship to food. My life has changed dramatically and I'm healthier than when I was 25! I only eat "God/Goddess' food" now. If it grows as God made it, it's OK. If it's a result of human interference, avoid it. There are a few more rules I follow, but just a few. This is a lifestyle change that has been simple (not always easy) - just simple. Simple foods become simply delicious when you remove all of the man-made "enhancements".
The thing that I heard deep in my soul that completely opened me up to the possibility that I could choose to make a difference in my eating was a simple prayer someone shared with me. It shed light on my thinking and cleared the way for me to step into a new way of thinking, being, acting, living. I'll share that prayer with you and maybe you will hear it, too.
"God, please set aside everything I think I know for an open mind and a new experience." I became willing...

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Energy connections...

I am not self sufficient - I need others. I feel most alive when I experience deep connection to others. I AM love when I'm connected. I'm not saying I need to always be with others - I need my alone time to re energize - and the truth is that when I am conscious and aware, authentic, genuinely me, I can be with someone(s) AND feel that energy flow. It is an energy exchange - a circle of energy that keeps recharging itself.
I can also be with someone who is an energy 'thief" and drains my energy. Wait! Did I just say that they drain my energy? Urgh! What I really mean is that I give my energy to them! That's not an energy exchange connection. It's one way - to them. You know how you just feel tired after being with certain people? Well, I try to keep my interaction with that type to a minimum - they're a rapid drain on my energetic battery. I know people whom I consider to be the heavy weight champs of energy sucking! After a little time with them I feel like I've gone 15 rounds and it's a TKO because I need a nap and some quiet time.
My loving gift to me is to encourage friendships with energy EXCHANGERS and minimize interactions with energy THIEVES. What a simple formula - not always easy, definitely simple...

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Just say yes...

Yes, we are Miracle Makers! Every thought connects us to the Infinite Intelligence - The Universe. Our body/mind connection means that every thought has a mirror thought within our bodies - so we can make our thoughts real in our lives.
I prove this every time I make a choice to change my perception and suddenly become aware of a lightening, a feeling of deep contentment where there was dissatisfaction or chaos previously. We make miracles with our visions and thoughts. This has brought me to a place deep inside me - a knowing that has no logic or reason to support it but is real none the less. My intention is to bring my purpose to me, to stop grasping for it, and let it come to me. How simple, how profound, how real is my amazement at this subtle shift in my vibration. Yes, I will vibrate at the frequency I wish to attract to me. "It" recognizes me and we share the joy and dance together...

Sunday, August 9, 2009

It's about taking action...

I feel ready to start my work week - without dread! I spent my entire weekend working on all of the paperwork necessary to file my taxes from the past three years. It's complicated stuff for two of the years, so 2008 felt like a comparative breeze. I feel so much lighter now that I'm ready to take all of the data to a tax person and be legal again.
I've NEVER missed a tax deadline - that is until I decided not to file in 2006. I lost so much money that year and the year before I decided I would file late, then 2007 passed with another negative cash flow year and it seemed like too much trouble to do TWO years' worth. After 2008 passed and I blithely skipped filing, it became a heavy burden that troubled me, but seemed like an insurmountable task.
Well, the state missed my tax return and sent me a notice (a reminder that I'd been a good little tax filer in the past - was there something wrong?) and a deadline for 2006/2007. Shortly thereafter the feds found me too. Now I was faced with a decision - hide out and hope they didn't come knocking on my door or face up to my own stuff. I've spent a lot of my life looking for geographical cures for what's ailing me. Unfortunately, no matter where I ended up, there I was - still me so running was not an option. I decided to make a stand and tackle the stacks of receipts. It took the most part of three days (1 Saturday and two Sundays) to get everything organized and the numbers calculated, but I finished up at 4:30 today and feel great!
Like many things in my life, when I take action things take a positive turn. If I sit around waiting to be motivated to DO something, I live in my head and can create millions of reasons (really good ones!) about why now is not a good time. Motivation comes after I've taken action. My prayer is to be willing to take action...

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Flat, middle ground...

I'm in that flat middle ground between exciting and awful and it's very uncomfortable for me. I keep thinking "I'm bored", "my life is boring", "I'm getting old" - all the old tapes that drove me into acting out my addictive behaviors. You know the kind - where I do and feel, too much of everything - eating, drinking, speeding, shopping, working, flirting, sadness, depression, reading, movies, TV - you name it and I've either done it or thought about doing it. It's all about keeping me away from feeling what I'm feeling when I'm feeling it.
Now that I'm living in the present with conscious purposeful intention, I'm aware of this feeling and remember what I used to do to chase it away. For the most part my old habits are in the past. Now when I feel the urge to "DO" something I know it's because I'm trying my best to "AVOID" something.
Uh oh, time to dive down into me and shed some light on whatever is lurking there urging me to act out in destructive ways. I'm so grateful that today I can shine the light of love on that shadow part of me - that little 2 year old who still rules me at times. Would I be angry at a little toddler who couldn't control herself without guidance? No - I'd love and guide her. I'd ask others who are experienced how they would help guide this child and show her love.
I have tools and support now to guide me and my little one lovingly through the flat, middle ground. My quest is to continue to grow up and my guiding question remains "What would a mature, healthy adult do in this matter?" Sometimes I know and can imitate what a grown up would do. Sometimes I have to ask others and learn from their experience - thank you HP that I CAN learn from others' experiences now - I don't know it all anymore, nor do I have to do it all and learn everything from my own personal bad choices! Whew! Perspective from the flat, middle ground is definitely clearer...

Monday, August 3, 2009

Accepting how we love...

I'm back into contemplating how I live my life alternating between "F"ear and "F"aith. I had my Grandson's 10th birthday party yesterday - a mix of families including in-laws. I love all of the preparation and hosting a party - it brings me such joy. I'm always exhausted physically but energetically charged after everyone leaves. This is the time I decompress - going over every nuance of who said what and the things that made me smile, or even better, laugh out loud. I feel such incredible love and these events rarely fail to feed my soul with that all-nurturing connection with others - especially those I love the most.
They also remind me of how I love. My need to feel deep connection with others often leaves me feeling disappointed - why can't he/she love me the way I want him/her to? Why can't I get back what I so lovingly offer? Although my inner wisdom guides me to fill my soul with my connection to my HP, I still occasionally lapse into my "F"ear mode and turn my back on "F"aith. I think those dark thoughts of lack, not enough, I'll never get enough love, nobody will ever love me the way I want to be loved, etc. Those shadow feelings can overwhelm me so I've learned that my best tool against this shadow is to choose to move out of my head where these thoughts reside and into my heart where I know for certain that my love is my gift and I can give it freely - it will always be returned. When I choose to accept love as it is given to me - regardless of what I think I want - just accept it - it grows, becomes fuller, more satisfying and a gift I can receive from others.
It's true that love is the only thing we have that the more we give it away the bigger it gets. For today, I will give love and accept love without judgement. Open my heart and my arms and let it out and let it in "F"aithfully...

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Change...

It's a beautiful morning and I'm present for it - what a blessing! I feel a deep sense of purpose, gratitude and love. This is the place I love to live, the place I want to reside all the time - confident, tuned into a Higher sense of Self with the certainty that it doesn't matter what I experience, it will change. The great stuff changes and so does the awful stuff.
I'm dedicating my day to CHANGE - thanking The Universe that all things change and embracing that change with the Faith that God/Goddess always wants the best for me...