Thursday, February 11, 2010

DD#28: Wisdom

Today makes 4 weeks of Daily Discipline Blogging - almost half way to my 90 day commitment. I've really enjoyed the flow of writing. It's like getting a mystery box full of gift-wrapped packages, I never know what will show up, but I'm excited to unwrap the next one.

My mind has been occupied with assessing options for decisions about my finances. This is quite embarrassing to me because I earned huge amounts of money at my last corporate job but got laid off there in 2003. Since (OMG! it's been 7 years!!!) then I've been financially challenged. A few attempts at starting and earning my living being in business for myself taught me that I'm much better at selling other people or things than I am at selling my own skills. 

In retrospect I've also made some poor financial decisions. We can't see into the future and know the outcome of our choices, we can only choose and pray for things to work out well for us. One of the promises of the 12 step program I work is "we shall not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it" and I remember a wonderful mentor of mine who shared these words of wisdom when I was busy berating myself for a mistake I'd made, "Do not judge your past behavior by what you know today." Who can know what the future holds?

Remembering those profound words and that promise keep my harsh inner critic quiet. I need only tell her (I'll call her Maudie because she sounds like a Maudie to me), "Maudie, thank you for reminding me of what I don't want in my life - now let's focus on what I DO want." Maudie is calmed by those words of gratitude for her and relaxes, thereby letting me create a change in the pattern of an old behavior that has haunted me since I can remember, causing many dismal days - even weeks, months, years. She's much more manageable than when I first started speaking up, which proves to me that, with intention, connection to HP, and practice, I can create incredible changes in me and my life. I am grateful - every day...

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