Friday, February 5, 2010

DD#23: Yin & Yang

Intro: In 2009 I saw a very funny musical - Avenue Q. It was a laugh out loud kind of funny - funny songs, funny dialogue, funny Muppet-like characters being visibly operated by actors on stage. (It's always amazing to me that even though I can see a person whose hand is making the motion and speaking, my attention is still focused on the puppet!)  Anyway, one of the characters is a recent History major graduate who has moved to NYC to make his fortune and he's broke. During a down moment, he sings "It Sucks to be Me". The lyrics were funny and yet so descriptive of the mood he was in and, of course, I could relate to the times I've been there, too.
On the 2nd Wednesday each  month I facilitate a fantastic group of women - my Miracle Makers Group. I love doing this work so much that it actually energizes me. I'm so uplifted by the time they depart, it takes me quite awhile settle down enough to sleep.

At our January meeting I shared my excitement over how I am feeling at this time in my life. I feel on the edge of a precipice, ready to jump out into the air and fly - to soar - to accomplish something I never dreamed I could do. It's so powerful in me, it's like a premonition for the direction I'm taking. Something HUGE is happening and I'm enlivened by the anticipation of doing what I need to do to welcome it into my life. I expressed that for the first time - ever - its great to be me!

My women friends took turns visualizing wonderful support for my expectation of great things on my horizon. One friend had an image - a vision - that created an incredible vibration in my whole body/mind/spirit and I use it often as a reference point when I get distracted - it brings me back to why I'm here. I'm going to share it with you because I want to see it in print, too.

She saw me standing on a high bluff overlooking the ocean. I was wearing a very feminine, soft, sheer, light dress that was shifting with the breeze and I was surrounded by light. As she looked deeper into the vision she saw that I was directing the ocean below me.

I was stunned and my body was vibrating so rapidly that I was literally shaking with excitement. How could she know that she had seen through my outward expression of me and into my inner realms? 

I have always felt I had a well developed masculine aspect - it was a defense against ever being a victim again. I have been very successful in business by applying this aggressive Mars energy. I covered my fear with anger, driven to compete for everything. Needing to be the "best" at whatever I tried because I didn't think I had any value unless I worked harder, did better, and beat everyone in life.

I've always had some small piece of me that was safe to express as a woman, but I considered it a very small part of my essence. I thought feminine meant weak, clingy, submissive, and dependent. I would never allow myself to be something so pitiful. It would place me in the unsafe position of being victimized. I resented women I thought of as feminine because it seemed they always got what they wanted through manipulation - they didn't have to work for it like I did.

What I've learned over the last year is that there is much strength in feminine softness. There is a resiliency that is remarkable in its power. I can use my voice without a shout or bravado, I don't have to confront anyone to stand up for myself. Misunderstandings don't have to be fueled by anger - communication, asking for what I want or need can be a gentle way using my voice. I've never felt stronger than I do now as I find my power in my feminine - my beauty inside and out and my surrender to that Divine aspect that connects us all. Fear fades and love emerges - it's GREAT to be me...

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