Saturday, January 23, 2010

DD#11 - Changing Stories

I'm learning so much these days! My learning takes place when I'm confronted with my own stuff, therefore I'm presented with the opportunity to change an old story.

My old stories keep me stuck in the pattern of continuing to have the same behavior or belief while expecting a different outcome - the definition of insanity. Along the path of recovery I decided that I was no longer going to be defined by my traumas. I am not broken. I have scars aplenty, but our scars tell us where we've been, they don't define where we're going. My scars are a reminder of all of the experiences I have to draw on - the very wisdom of learning from my mistakes and applying what I learn into my life. When I rewrite a new story based upon who I am now, it frees me up to begin receiving incredible gifts from the Universe.

For example, as a result of putting myself out there in the dating game, I recently came face-to-face with an old story of mine: I can only be with a man who chooses me. I'm not worth enough to freely choose for myself. I've been with many men who chose me, desired me, wanted me, needed me - but didn't ever know me. It's not their fault - I never revealed myself to them because I didn't have a clue who I was either. I lived inside a fortress of denial and self-deprecation - a people-pleasing whore for approval. I would sacrifice anything for their love. The problem with that story is that I was burdened with resentment for them for not knowing what I wanted or who I was. I was looking for answers outside myself about my value as a woman, mother, wife, human being.

I made a conscious choice to change my story when I was faced with the desire to run as fast as I could in the other direction when in the presence of men who mirrored my old story back at me. I knew that updating my story gave me the right to choose who and what I wanted in my life - that I have an amazing life - that bringing a man into my life is not like finding a missing part of me. I'm changing my stories as they're revealed to me. I invite you to look at your life and see what stories you can change - it's totally worth the effort!

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