Monday, July 27, 2009

Dream Hangover...

It's Monday morning and the alarm jerked me out of a dream during an intense emotional reaction and it's hard to shake the feelings - a dream hangover. It's one of the reasons I hate the alarm clock.
Monday mornings mean the beginning of another work week - ugh! My weekends are so relaxed and carefree until Sunday, (guess that means my weekends consist of Saturday?) then, like the shark-warning music in "Jaws" my work week begins to impose itself. Thoughts of my J-O-B push aside my relaxed freedom like a school yard bully. "It's almost Monday". "It's closer to Monday". "I'd better get ready for bed so I can get enough sleep to make it through Monday". "If I don't get relaxed enough to sleep well I'll be tired all day Monday and that'll start the lack-of-sleep cycle for the week." I've played these tapes in my head for so many years you'd think they'd be worn out by now, but they're as strong as ever.
Most Sundays I ask to accept that Monday is just another day. I don't want to think of Monday as the monster under my bed or in the closet. Some Sundays I can accept and enjoy my weekend in full. Some Sundays I don't know I'm thinking about Monday until Monday morning when I realize I feel robbed of my weekend. The thing is - I want more weekend! Just like I want more, more, more of many things in my life, I want more weekend. I want the weekend feeling to last all week - a week full of weekend.
I need reminders - visual or auditory triggers - to help me stay aware and conscious or I drift off into my auto-pilot and forget to remember that I can choose. I think I'll put signs up around my house to remind me to breathe and feel the joy in my life EVERY day, not just weekends.
How can I have a week full of weekend? I'm still working on that one and fortunately, I know it's my choice...

1 comment:

  1. Ah Toni... beautiful writing. I see you having many, many moments of weekend throughout each day! Perhaps attached to your sacred meal times? 20 minutes of pure weekend... experiencing only the NOW of the moment.

    May you have a Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday. FULL of WEEKEND ENERGY!

    Much love, Chris