Tuesday, April 27, 2010

DD#56: Dancing in the Now

OK, I'm admitting it - I LOVE male attention. I used to think it was a weakness in me - if I were healthy and strong I wouldn't NEED or want attention from anyone - everything I needed would come from the inside. I'm older and wiser now and understand more about what's realistic and what's magical thinking - what makes a healthy person. Old me = unhealthy and needy/healthy person = no needs! Now me - I'm healthy AND I LOVE male attention.

This past weekend I went dancing both Saturday and Sunday nights and was nurtured and nourished by plenty of male attention. It was so much fun that I felt the glow long after. Saturday's Contra dancing left me so full of joy I had a hard time going to sleep because I was so energized by my experience. I kept replaying the night in my head, renewing the excitement and happiness. I was re-energizing myself instead of relaxing so I could drift off to sleep, subsequently I only got about 3 hours of rest which didn't stop me from doing it again on Sunday night:>))

Dancing gives me so much joy. It's everything I love about feeling connected while being present in my body. I love moving to the music, I love the touch, I love feeling the music, I love the male attention, I love the flirting, I love the connecting. What's not to love about all that?

I used to go out with friends expressing the "I'm just going to dance" perspective, but it was a lie. I went out with my paradoxical self. The desperate part was on the hunt and said, "I'm going to have fun and this time I'll meet my dream man". The fearful part was terrified and said, "What if nobody asks me to dance?!" I spent many hours sitting or standing around waiting for the right man to ask me to dance, certain the whole time that I was not worth asking.

I'm here to say that we can change that old stuff! I know more about who I am - my authentic self - the strong, attractive, confident, loving woman who has so much to offer. The woman who is definitely worthy of love - especially the most important love - love of herself. 

With incredible courage and willingness I have tackled the old beliefs that darkened my perspective and shined light on them. In the light of love and reality, they have shriveled like the wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz. They're just ashes to be dusted away when they show up in me. I know they will pop up unexpectedly, but now I can recognize them for what they really are and lovingly say "Good Bye" to them.

So now I LET myself have fun and shine knowing that it's happening to me here and now. Joy doesn't need to be viewed through my past or hide out and wait for some magical future. I'm Dancing in the Now!

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